I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Shame - the story of my life.
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