"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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