I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
