My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
