Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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