i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize