Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
