I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
