You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
