it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
