You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
