Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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