Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
