OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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