So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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