We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
