Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
