before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
