No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
