from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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