I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize