My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
