I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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