Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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