is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
