i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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