when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
