we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
