Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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