ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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