somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
