Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
