Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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