this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sobbing to NWA
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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