dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
