She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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