What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
