All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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