hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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