Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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