i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
