you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
