I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
