and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
