First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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