just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
