I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
