I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had sex on a roof
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
