batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
