i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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